"The Lord Provides" a.k.a. Karma Exists
So I'm writing an email to my sister about how I'm doing random acts of kindness for the little one in her womb for whom I am to be a spiritual guider (shout out to Jazzie...that's the baby's nickname given by my sister's college friends who had a penchant for the New Orlean's Jazz Festival). I'm telling my sister that I'm doing these random acts of kindness without having really started doing them. You know, one of those promises type things, it's like stock option karma.
As I'm banging out this email and guy pops his head into the office asking for shoes for his little brother--some sneakers. As we recently stopped giving out major clothing (anything other than t-shirts, underwear, and socks) there were no shoes in our hygiene room. I glanced down at my own feet and asked him what size his brother needed: size 12. I decided that since I had two other pairs of shoes at home he needed my size 12 Pete Sampras sneakers more than I did. So I gave him my shoes. He was shocked saying, "you're not kidding are you?" He left happy.
I walked around the center in my socks figuring that the worst thing to come of all this is a half day without shoes and a long walk home. When some of the guys saw me with no shoes they asked me what happened. I explained that I gave them away. In about 45 minutes a donation came in and David brought me into the storage area. There was a pair of brand new Wilson Pro Staff tennis shoes size 12 that had come in with the donation.
So I took them. This is a literal, physical example of, when you serve, receiving more than you give. You see, my Pete Sampras shoes were half a decade old. Now I walk around with brand new tennis shoes. At first, I felt guilty about this. I mean, the brother should have received these new shoes because, while I may not be able to afford shoes this year, I'm confident in the fact that I'll leave this place and, eventually, be making a living wage. This guy and his brother may never get there. But I'm learning to live in the moment. I'm learning to receive as much as to give. Who am I to say that the guy and his brother won't be making a living wage and who am I to be so confident that I will be? Besides, I gave him my shoes before the donation came in; if I hadn't he might have left completely shoeless and then the new shoes would have gone to somebody that didn't need them.
It's like when I sit down to eat some donated food with the guys. When I first came I thought I had to deny myself: I should let all the poor homeless people eat and then I can eat if there's anything left over. But now I take part equally.
It's this kind of thing that really makes me believe in karma. If you give from your heart, out of pure generosity, without any strings (or, as Steve says, "maybe just a few"), then you are repaid in multiples. The cosmic forces, it seems, didn't want me to walk around in socks all day--to reap the arrogant rewards of prostrating myself in front of the poor like some sick modern Pharisee. I gave the shoes because somebody else needed them. I received some shoes because I needed them.
My JVC administrator commented later that she felt like giving me a hug and then slapping me in the face. Is it obvious that she's a nun? I took this to meant that my undertaking was heartfelt but misguided. It took me about seven months into this year to realize that I could, literally, give the shirt off my back in this place if I so choose.
But you know, sometimes a man just needs some shoes. He doesn't need your program for living, he doesn't need your ideas on how he's mentally ill, he doesn't need a lecture.
Besides, it was all for Jazzie.
So I'm writing an email to my sister about how I'm doing random acts of kindness for the little one in her womb for whom I am to be a spiritual guider (shout out to Jazzie...that's the baby's nickname given by my sister's college friends who had a penchant for the New Orlean's Jazz Festival). I'm telling my sister that I'm doing these random acts of kindness without having really started doing them. You know, one of those promises type things, it's like stock option karma.
As I'm banging out this email and guy pops his head into the office asking for shoes for his little brother--some sneakers. As we recently stopped giving out major clothing (anything other than t-shirts, underwear, and socks) there were no shoes in our hygiene room. I glanced down at my own feet and asked him what size his brother needed: size 12. I decided that since I had two other pairs of shoes at home he needed my size 12 Pete Sampras sneakers more than I did. So I gave him my shoes. He was shocked saying, "you're not kidding are you?" He left happy.
I walked around the center in my socks figuring that the worst thing to come of all this is a half day without shoes and a long walk home. When some of the guys saw me with no shoes they asked me what happened. I explained that I gave them away. In about 45 minutes a donation came in and David brought me into the storage area. There was a pair of brand new Wilson Pro Staff tennis shoes size 12 that had come in with the donation.
So I took them. This is a literal, physical example of, when you serve, receiving more than you give. You see, my Pete Sampras shoes were half a decade old. Now I walk around with brand new tennis shoes. At first, I felt guilty about this. I mean, the brother should have received these new shoes because, while I may not be able to afford shoes this year, I'm confident in the fact that I'll leave this place and, eventually, be making a living wage. This guy and his brother may never get there. But I'm learning to live in the moment. I'm learning to receive as much as to give. Who am I to say that the guy and his brother won't be making a living wage and who am I to be so confident that I will be? Besides, I gave him my shoes before the donation came in; if I hadn't he might have left completely shoeless and then the new shoes would have gone to somebody that didn't need them.
It's like when I sit down to eat some donated food with the guys. When I first came I thought I had to deny myself: I should let all the poor homeless people eat and then I can eat if there's anything left over. But now I take part equally.
It's this kind of thing that really makes me believe in karma. If you give from your heart, out of pure generosity, without any strings (or, as Steve says, "maybe just a few"), then you are repaid in multiples. The cosmic forces, it seems, didn't want me to walk around in socks all day--to reap the arrogant rewards of prostrating myself in front of the poor like some sick modern Pharisee. I gave the shoes because somebody else needed them. I received some shoes because I needed them.
My JVC administrator commented later that she felt like giving me a hug and then slapping me in the face. Is it obvious that she's a nun? I took this to meant that my undertaking was heartfelt but misguided. It took me about seven months into this year to realize that I could, literally, give the shirt off my back in this place if I so choose.
But you know, sometimes a man just needs some shoes. He doesn't need your program for living, he doesn't need your ideas on how he's mentally ill, he doesn't need a lecture.
Besides, it was all for Jazzie.
posted by Ryan at 10:29 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home